[Story] Thorns – Harrier’s Journal

We went to Old Town to deliver the blankets and toys. I knew where some of the worst streets were, where it was unlikely any other charities had come by, and they’d need the blankets the most. I think we probably looked pretty suspicious hanging around there with our wagon full of blankets. We definitely weren’t from the Cathedral or any other group like that. People were wary, with good reason. I realized that we’d need a name of a group to sound more legitimate. I thought about advertising the shop, but it’s not like most people here would be able to afford them anyway. Plus, blankets have nothing to do with clocks. Nash came up with “Blanket Pals” which sounded kind of silly but I couldn’t think of anything better so I used it. I’m not sure the people really believed it either, but they didn’t question free stuff for the most part. Some did. Some thought it was a trick or something like that, which I can understand. People don’t usually show up to offer you free stuff at your door. Other people wanted blankets even though they didn’t have any kids. A few times I gave them anyway, just to avoid trouble, we had more blankets than toys anyway. There was one guy watching us on the street and I gave him one, too. Nash thought he was planning to jump us or something. I think we could have handled it, but I’d rather avoid a big scene like that. It wouldn’t look good for anyone. It took a lot less time than I thought to run out, a lot of the houses had more than one kid in them. I don’t know if they liked the toys or not. Nash thinks they will, because they don’t have anything that’s really theirs. He might be right, but I don’t know. I still feel like the others who didn’t get toys or blankets are just going to steal them from those who did. Nash says that at least they would have it for a short time, and that’s better than none at all. I think I disagree. I think it’s way worse to have something and lose it, than never know what it was like at all.

He was cold, so I thought he’d want to go home, but we stopped for a stout first. I picked a table right next to the fireplace. It definitely feels like it’s going to snow tonight. He talked about Silvermoon, and how it never snowed there. He asked if I ever missed anything about Astranaar. I said no. I can’t think of anything that would make up for the bad things there, I mean, the trees were nice but trees are everywhere. I don’t want to have to live in them. This place feels more like home than it ever did. We got to talking about stuff at home. It was a bad idea, I shouldn’t have brought it up. I know he wants more than I’m able to give, but at the same time he’s convinced himself he doesn’t because it makes things easier. Like I told him, I wish I could just stop caring about her, forget it all and move on. I thought maybe there was a spell a mage could do, like to erase my memories or something. But I don’t know if that would even work when I see her every day. And there are some memories I want to keep. The good ones, from when it was just me and her above the shoe shop, snow falling outside. Those were good memories. Nash said I should just ask her what the chances are, but I know she won’t give me an answer. Maybe she can’t either. I know if Josie weren’t here, the chances would be better. It’s just a fact. I keep hoping she’ll decide to go away with that half-breed after all, I know it sounds awful but I can’t help thinking it. But she’s nice, I don’t want to hurt her. I don’t want to hurt Nash either. I shouldn’t have done what I did in the Ghostlands. I was lonely and I missed her, but now it’s gotten all complicated and I don’t know how to fix it without hurting him. He thinks I don’t care, but that’s not true at all. If things were different, I could see it happening. I probably wouldn’t have considered it before, but we get along well and we both have a good time. That’s all that matters, right? I’ll try to talk to her, but I don’t know how much it’ll help. I’m scared to hear there’s no chance at all. I’m not sure what I’ll do if she says that.

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