[Story] The Ghostclaw – Linarelle’s Journal

I guess I was right about going to see the healers. It’s still not really feeling real, but Lani and Esladra said I definitely passed my test. I was really nervous about it, so I’m glad Sunashe agreed to go with me. At first he was saying we could take the test home to work on it. It doesn’t work that way! I don’t know if he’s excited yet, I’m not sure it’s really set in for him either. He was surprised when I told him though, and I think it was a happy kind of surprised. Right now I don’t feel any different at all, aside from being a little more tired than usual, but that’s not really very strange. Once other things start to happen, I think it’ll be more real. I’m glad there are a lot of other people around who have had them so I can ask questions. Nessna has  had two, so she’s an expert, but she said every baby is different, which makes sense of course.

Esladra also said that someone at the school was having one too, named Lilithel. I didn’t recognize the name at first, but I went out after my patrol to see if we could talk. I think it would be fun to have someone to talk to who is also going through it at the same time. It turns out she’s the hawkstrider keeper, and she’s much older than I expected. Tik is the father, that’s a little weird to picture. I wonder if the Magister knows? I guess he does now. We had some tea (normal tea) and cake and talked for a while. She seems nice, but I’m a bit worried for her. I know there are more chances for things to go wrong if the mother is older. I worry about if something happens and she still has to see other babies, I think that would be awful. She had a daughter a long time ago, but she died in the attacks, so at least she’s done this before. I asked if she and Tik were going to get married or live together and she said they weren’t, she would raise the baby but Tik would be nearby. He doesn’t want to move out of his room in the house, and it’s too small for them all to live in. Besides, she was married before and her husband left her alone to raise her daughter. I can understand why she’d be wary to trust anyone again, but what I know of Tik, he would never do that. Still, she seems happy with the arrangement and I guess that’s all that matters. It just made me all the more grateful to have Sunashe with me every night, and he’ll be able to help with the baby during the night and see him or her all the time. That reminds me, Sunashe thinks that our baby won’t cry at all because it’ll be happy. I’m pretty sure he or she will cry sometimes, that’s just what babies do. I suggested that he talk to some of the other guys about it, the Captain or Gael. His wife was there at the school too, and she was really excited when I told her. She told me that I should get Sunashe a sweater for the autumn and winter patrols, they really keep him warm. I’ve seen Gael’s a few times but I guess I never thought about getting one for Sunashe. She gave me the name of a shop where they can do any design you want. Perfect. I’m going to see if they can put a lizard design on it, that will make a great winter ball gift.

Talking to the others has helped, but I still worry. What if I don’t know how to take care of it? What if I’m a bad mother? The thing I worry about the most is something happening to Sunashe and I have to raise the baby alone. He says he won’t leave, but something could happen on patrol, or worse, if we are sent somewhere. Lilithel says he won’t, because of his leg — well, she put it more crudely than that. She said they don’t send amputees, which I guess he is, but I don’t like that word. What if it’s too difficult and I have to give the baby up? Hopefully there are enough people around who can help me that it won’t happen. I’m going to write my mother and tell her the news, she’s going to be overjoyed. I hope she can come back when it’s closer to the time and help me. Maybe she’ll bring that gentleman friend of hers.

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