[Story] The Ghostclaw – Linarelle’s Journal

I don’t know why I thought it would be different this time. I guess I knew all along and was just hoping it wouldn’t happen, but it did. Kavia and Nessna said I should bring it up with Sunashe but it just made everything worse. The only thing he kept hearing is that he should get rid of the lizard, which isn’t what I want at all. I know he’d be so upset if he didn’t have it anymore, and he’s right, it was special because we both got it there. He’s so stubborn! I couldn’t get through to him at all. He said he has to train it during the daylight hours, otherwise it gets too cold, so that’s why he has to rush home to see it. Whatever, I guess he doesn’t have time to stop and say hello to me but that’s fine. He said he was going to give it to someone else, who else is going to want a giant lizard? Or he’d put it back into the forest, which I think would be a bad idea as it’s grown up around people and isn’t used to hunting for its own food. It would surely die if left on its own. And I don’t dislike the thing, not really, just that he seems to care for it more than me – which he said isn’t true, of course. I expected that, but he can say whatever he wants, his actions prove otherwise. Especially now. Anyway I said if he had to give it away, I would take  it and then he could help me train it. That way we’d still be together and he’d still have his lizard, and we’d even have more time together. I thought that was a good solution, but I don’t think he did. He wanted to go up to his room right after that and he didn’t want to go camp either. Maybe tomorrow, he said. I’m not stupid, I’m not falling for that again. He swore he was different but he wasn’t at all.

Vellira said I should marry Keyalenn to get back at him. First of all, I don’t even think that offer still stands — I’m sure his father has found some other girl willing to take all that gold. I don’t know why I didn’t. I thought maybe things would work out on my own. Next time someone offers me a pile of gold to marry them, I’m going to take it. Besides, it’s not about getting revenge. I just want to finally be happy. I guess I will still go to the party, because I do want to have the food and cake. It’s just going to be super awkward. Im will probably want to beat Sunashe up, too. I know he didn’t like him very much in the first place. Maybe I should stay home though, every one will notice if I go by myself and talk about it. Especially Gael. Ugh.

The other night we were talking about it, and Nessna told us more about the builders. The one’s name is Ethirdir and his wife had just left before he came out here to work. It’s really sad. I wish I had known all of that before, though I guess it wouldn’t have changed anything. Nessna said he must have had too much on his mind to want to dance before, but he danced with Mae. Kavia will probably talk to him this time. Nessna also said I should just accept the lizard thing, but I don’t think the captain is as bad as Sunashe about it. Plus, cats aren’t as weird as lizards, and they can do things during the night. Just the way she said it made it seem like it was my fault that Sunashe is obsessed with his lizard. I wouldn’t mind it so much if he seemed even half as interested in me. I tried to explain to him what I meant but I don’t think I did a very good job. He always takes everything so literally. I just want it to be more like it is in the books, which I know isn’t realistic because it’s just a book, but still. Then he said it’s because he thought I didn’t want to hear it. I don’t think I believe that he really had another girlfriend before. Maybe it was actually a lizard.

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