[Story] Ordinicus’s Journal

If you’d asked me a few months ago if I could be someone’s father I would have said probably not. I don’t know what to do and I’m afraid that I would somehow ruin this small person’s life completely. But then it just kind of happened, and while I’m still learning a lot, I think it’s been going pretty well. Mostly it’s not as hard as I imagined it would be, but I guess it’ll get a lot more complicated once she can talk and run around and things. Diapers are still confusing, but Kes mostly handles that. I didn’t expect to already get attached to her, she’s really cute and sometimes after she eats she’ll nestle down in the crook of my arm and sleep there. Then my arm falls asleep so it’s kind of uncomfortable but she looks so peaceful that I can’t move her. The only bad thing is that I’m tired all the time. She sleeps pretty well but she does need to be fed during the night, and even if it’s not my turn, Kes usually wakes me when she gets up. At least Lyorri usually goes to sleep pretty well after, but I’ll be happy when she’ll sleep all the way through the night. Hopefully that’ll be the case by spring, when the building season starts again. It wouldn’t be good to be falling asleep on top of a roof! I still don’t know if I’ll be a good father, or whatever I am to her. I’m still a little unsure about that. In the back of my mind, I’m worried that  Aeramin and Im will want to take her back, and it would completely destroy Kes to give her up. She’s wanted a baby forever and she’s so happy taking care of her now. But what choice would we have? Hopefully it won’t happen. In a way I kind of hope they split up so there’s less chance of it happening, I know that’s an awful thing to even think, but it’s true. I also think Kes and I should probably get married to avoid too many questions when Lyorri is older, even though her hair color will raise plenty of eyebrows I’m sure. I don’t really have any reason not to at this point, and it would make things easier for them. I don’t know if I should bring it up or surprise her though, I am really not sure what kind of ring she would want. I guess I could get one and tell her she can exchange it if she wants.

Aeramin has been coming by more often, every few days or so. I worry about explaining everything to Lyorri when she is older. She’s going to be so confused, and she might be angry with Aeramin. Or she might like him better because he’ll bring her presents and take her on trips while Kes and I make her eat vegetables and go to bed. Arancon comes by, too, and last time we talked for a bit. It was kind of late, Kes had already started getting Lyorri ready for bed, but she wasn’t down yet so I got her so Arancon could hold her. He said he thought he’d never have a grandchild, and told me about some of the girls Aeramin was with. I don’t really think that’s any of my business, to be honest! You can tell he definitely loves her, though. I know he’s going to bring her presents when she’s older, he brought some milk by from the school. We talked about what she might be when she grows up, I said she’ll probably study magic since both Aeramin and her mother were mages. And Kestrae, sort of. I’d rather she didn’t study that kind of magic, but I suppose if that’s where her interest lies, I wouldn’t stop her. Or maybe she’ll be a ranger. Either way, she’ll go to Hethurin’s school for general classes at first. It’s good that there will be other kids for her to play with there. Arancon said that Aeramin is upset that he’s sober now, which didn’t make sense to me at all until he explained it. He’s angry that he waited until now, and Lyorri gets to see him like that. Which I guess makes some sense, but the past can’t be changed. He should take advantage of the way things are now and rebuild their relationship. At least, that’s my opinion. I guess it’s easy to say when you’re not the one in the middle of it. I just hope Aeramin doesn’t try to keep him from her, I think it’s good that she has a grandparent alive to spoil her.

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One Response to [Story] Ordinicus’s Journal

  1. Aww, daddy Ordinicus 🙂

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