[Story] The Ghostclaw – Linarelle’s Journal

[[ We’ve arrived at the new house, internet is due to be hooked up on Tuesday. I should be fully back then (I hope!) ]]

I try so hard to be excited for the others. I think I’m doing okay, at least I don’t think they can tell. It’s not that I don’t mean it, I mean I do. I try to. It’s just so hard not to feel frustrated. It isn’t their fault, I know that — I even told the Confessor. He said I can’t help how I feel, but I can help how I react to those feelings. So I keep pretending that I’m really happy that Lani is marrying him and that things are going so well for Des and her guard. I guess I should be happy that one of the students danced with the guy I hoped would ask me, too. It’s not that anything’s wrong with Ty — Lani asked me that — but it’s just not what I’d hoped for. I know enough of the real world to know that it’s not perfect all the time like in the books, but it should at least be a little like it sometimes, right?

Lani is fretting so much about the wedding already, she hasn’t even really started planning it yet. She wants to hold it at the school — which I think is an excellent idea — but she doesn’t want trouble between Hethurin and her mother. A wedding isn’t really something you can forget to invite your mother to, but I wonder if they all can’t just get along for a little while for Lani’s sake. They were both talking about going to look for gowns too. I guess that could be fun, but I keep thinking about how I’ll probably be Lani’s age before it ever happens. See, that’s an awful thing to think, but it’s true. I can’t help it. I’m trying to follow the Confessor’s advice and just focus on being a ranger, and my relationship with Imralion, but it’s difficult. Besides, Im is just as bad as the girls. I really doubt that Aeramin does the things like in those books either, but they go on trips and things like that. They’ve been together for a while now too, close to a year I think. It’s even harder to pretend to be happy for them because I feel like Im swooped in before I could have a chance.

Anyway, I suggested to Lani that she hire someone to help plan all of the wedding details. There are people who just do that, and I’m sure they’re used to dealing with relatives who don’t get along. They could figure out all the decorations and flowers and all that too. I don’t think Lani actually believed me about that, or maybe she just wants to do it all herself. I guess I can’t blame her for that. Lani also isn’t interested in getting any practice in before the big night either. She said it’s because they aren’t married yet. But they’re going to be, so I really don’t understand the difference. I have a feeling if she knew what she was missing, she’d let him stay over. It seems a shame to waste such a handsome man on someone who won’t even touch his ears. See, that’s terrible too. But he told me to write them down anyway. But it’s true.

Lani’s decided to formally adopt Vaildor. I think he was happy about it, he was eager to help serve dinner and help Tik in the kitchen. Actually, now that I think on it, he was probably just trying to sneak tastes of the cake. Either way, I hope it all works out okay for them. It must be a strange situation for the Confessor, to suddenly have a nearly-grown child. Lani mentioned that Vaildor might be able to start school next term, after the summer holidays. I guess he’ll have to ride back and forth every day, maybe Hethurin ought to invest in a dragonhawk.

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