[Story] Fairsong Academy – Terellion’s Journal

I don’t know what’s going on with Hethurin. I thought everything was going great and then Des started saying how there was a problem and he had to talk to me about it, so I figured he was going to break up with me. But then she said that wasn’t it, but there was a problem with him paying me or something. The other night he didn’t even eat any cake, and he was up in his study all evening. He went to bed really early and he was already asleep when I came in — or at least, he was pretending to be. He got up before me so I couldn’t ask him if he felt okay. Des was really vague but she said something about people getting the wrong idea about us.

I thought we already talked about that though. Before we even did anything we talked about that, and then he was convinced that it wouldn’t be a big deal because lots of people work together who are couples, which is true. And now suddenly it’s not okay anymore. Was he just saying that before so I’d sleep with him? I don’t think he would but it makes me wonder why he suddenly changed his mind. And then Des asked if he wasn’t paying me if I’d still want to do work here. Well, I like baking the cakes and I don’t mind doing the other jobs, but my family needs money. That’s why I came here in the first place, and Hethurin knows that. If I don’t get paid, they’ll lose their house and then I don’t know what will happen. Plus, if he’s worried about people talking they’re still going to assume that I’m getting paid if I’m doing work here. They won’t suddenly stop talking if he stops paying me. Then he was talking about some man in Silvermoon who married his housekeeper so people wouldn’t talk.

Again, I’m sure they still talked, and anyway we haven’t been together long enough to even talk about something like that — assuming our families would even be okay with it. I really doubt his would, and I have no idea about mine. My mother might have the idea of making me marry a girl and have kids, just like his did. I mean, he should know that, right? I don’t know what to do now. I’m scared that he won’t pay me and I’m even more scared that he’ll tell me he can’t see me anymore. He’s more worried about his school’s reputation than anything else. I guess I can understand but it still hurts. I went in the kitchen to check on the cake and I hid in the pantry for a while. I heard him come into the kitchen and I thought about going out to talk to him but I didn’t want him to see that I’d been crying. So I just waited. I fell asleep after a while and I woke up later, I went back to my room for a little while but I couldn’t sleep. I thought maybe I should walk home, even though it’s really far. And it was cold.

On the way I thought about what I’d tell my mother, because I knew she’d ask. I explained that it was a winter holiday. I’m not sure if she believed me though, and then I said I felt sort of sick and she made me lie down in bed and eat soup. I guess that’s sort of true, I feel sick but only because I’m worried. Hethurin’s going to be angry at me for not even saying where I went but I don’t want him to tell me to leave. So I don’t know.


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