October 31, 2013 Leave a comment
[[ Just a little one tonight, busy doing Halloween stuffs! ]]
Sometimes it just doesn’t feel real, like there’s just been some mix-up and Father is fine and we’ll all laugh about it later. “Hey, remember when they told us you’d been killed? You sure fooled us all!” Most of the time when I’m going about my day, I forget — because it’s not really real yet. I guess it won’t be until they’re able to recover him from the rubble. There were some explosions caused by goblin machinery, and a lot of people were trapped underneath it. That’s what happened to him. He died underground, in the dark and probably unable to breathe or hear anything besides the rumble of stone. He wasn’t even fighting. It doesn’t seem fair at all. Most of the time I’m able to get my work done, but I find my mind drifting off and it takes me longer to get things finished than I should. Mostly I worry about Mother and the girls. I took this job to help them pay the bills while Father was away, but that assumed that he’d be back before too long. While Hethurin pays me pretty well, it’s still not enough for rent on the house and clothes and food and the cost of their school. I want to stay, but I can’t ask him for more money. Maybe there are odd jobs I could do for someone in town, like maybe that ranger. From what I’ve heard, he might have found a house, which means he’ll be taking the death knight with him. That’s a good thing in my opinion, it seems that Des has become oddly attached to it. I sure don’t understand girls.
That’s another thing, Father won’t ever know about me. It seems like I’m lying somehow, like will his ghost come to see me and get upset? And I can’t tell Mother now, not just after this happened. I think she might react worse when she’s already upset. I don’t know what to say to her. No one does. I know Hethurin is doing his best, but I don’t think he knows what to say either. His sister was very badly hurt, but she’s still alive. She’ll probably be okay, eventually, at least okay enough to have a decent life. And I’m not mad at him for that or anything, in fact I keep wondering if it might have been me if they’d actually let me go. They said I was too young. Things are still a little odd between us too, like he still won’t say if we’re boyfriends or not, even though he did say we are together. But maybe he’s trying to keep it kind of quiet because I am? That could be it. Before I was sure, I always tried to look at girls to see if I could like them, because I knew that’s how it was supposed to be. And like I’ve said, some of them were nice or funny or pretty, and I liked being around them. But it wasn’t the same as it is with Hethurin, not at all. I just can’t believe this handsome, successful, smart mage just happened to hire me to work for him and ended up liking me like that. I wonder if he used that time magic to look or something. He keeps saying his room is our room, but I guess I don’t see it that way yet. The night I found out, I went to my room and didn’t want to see anyone. Well I did, I wanted to see him, but I didn’t know how I was going to be able to tell him. I didn’t tell Tik, I just told him that I didn’t feel well, and I must have looked bad enough because he didn’t question it. When I told Hethurin it just kind of came out. He did make me feel better, I’m glad he was there. That night we just sat close together and watched the fire, we didn’t even talk really. But I don’t think we had to. Partly I didn’t want to because I knew I’d cry, and I didn’t want to. He said it was okay if I did, and I did a little anyway. I don’t know if he noticed or not. We weren’t very close, but we got along well enough. I liked him, and I respected him. While I watched the fire, I thought about things, just little pictures and memories. Hethurin said he would have wanted to meet him. I’m pretty sure he would have liked him.