August 31, 2013 Leave a comment
Coming back to Shattrath has been difficult. I wish I could stay there on the island, in one of the inns or something. I know they’re all full, but maybe they’d make an exception or something. I don’t know. I’m fortunate at least that I’m able to get portals to Silvermoon, which is only a short ride away. Though soon I probably won’t even be able to ride a dragonhawk, and then I’ll have to get two portals. That is, unless they leave before that. It’s looking like it will be soon, even though Thero isn’t sure that all of the trainees are ready. At least they have a fairly safe job, as safe as one can be in the middle of a war anyway.
I’m pretty worried about Aeramin’s friend, too. He’s not guarding supplies, he’s going to be up in front where all the fighting is. They gave them armor, but that won’t help if something really bad happens. I can tell that Aeramin is worried too, probably more than he lets on. He’s also really worried about Im leaving. Like I am pretty sure that’s the last thing on his mind right now while he’s afraid of dying. Knowing that Aeramin is waiting at home is probably keeping him sane right now. But Aeramin is worried that Im mistrusts him, and he’s convinced that he’s going to leave him because of it. He said that you can’t have love without trust, which I think is true. But trust can also be rebuilt — just not while Aeramin is in Shattrath, I guess. He sounds like he’s ready to give up already, which I don’t think he should do. I don’t know him very well, but Im seems like a very nice person. I don’t think he would do something like that.
It was really awkward, Hethurin came to the restaurant last night to see Aeramin. Apparently he’d left a note wanting to meet him and ask him something. I’m not sure why he couldn’t do it in a letter. I kind of have a feeling there was more he wanted to ask, but didn’t because I was there. I would have left if he’d asked! Hethurin wanted to know how to meet men, which I thought was kind of funny. I know what he meant, he meant one that he wants to be with, but still. There are men everywhere, it’s just narrowing it down a bit. And he asked how to move on past someone else, when Aeramin was sitting right there. He was either totally clueless or being rude, and knowing Hethurin it was probably the first, but still. What a thing to ask! I guess I’m lucky in that I don’t know what it’s like to have to move on past someone, but I think about it a lot. I worry about what I will do if Thero dies and never comes home again, how I’ll be able to take care of a baby by myself and whether I’d ever find someone else. I don’t think many guys would want a girl with a baby that isn’t theirs. I don’t even know if I could, either. Aeramin said that things were different with each, and you shouldn’t compare. But I don’t see how it’s possible not to, at least about some things. Like kissing, he did compare that. He said some guys are really bad at it, I guess I’m lucky that Thero isn’t. I suggested that Hethurin ask Thero about moving on, since he had to. I mean he says he loved her so he must know a little. It’s not the same as breaking up, because I assume things were going fine when she did, but still he has more experience with it than I do. And it’s better than asking his ex.
I’m not sleeping very well, which I know isn’t good for the baby. I think I’ll ask the healers if it’s all right to take anything to help me fall asleep, I want to make sure it won’t hurt him or her. I try to, but I keep imagining all these things happening and I can’t fall asleep. So then I get up and bake some more. I should send another box to Thero’s unit soon, I’m running out of space in the kitchen.